Often when at prayer meetings, sentences would seem to have a special meaning for me, so I would try to do whatever they asked. I knew my life was changing to be more spiritual than before, but that was okay as I had decided to give myself to God for whatever He wanted.
Jim had gone and my children were adults now, so in a sense I was free. Once when reading a book, the question was put, “Why do You call me?” So I pondered on these words and then said to Jesus, “Why my Jesus?” Then the thought came to my mind “because I need to mould you closer to Me. You are clay, I am the Potter, I am able to mould you to be perfect, no one else can but I.” At the time I did not realise what He did that day, but over the years I came to understand.
I often had negative thoughts, and I was desperate to find some sort of answer to what was happening. Finally I got the courage to ask Maree, a parishioner in my Parish, if she could help me understand what was going on in my life. She told me to keep praying to the Holy Spirit, and He would help me.
This is a conversation I had with Jesus on 4 August 1994.
“My Love, You know when I was writing yesterday, I had the thought that what You were laughing at the other week, was me being a ‘real doubting Thomas’, doubting You so much as I was writing your important words for me. Would You wish me not to double check it was You? To me it was a real important direction You were giving me, not to be taken lightly. I guess You are even laughing at me now!”
“I am smiling at you with so much love and tenderness my child. You have heard Me speak before, yet you questioned Me then. I loved you for doing so, but I loved the questioning thoughts you were having. I have taught you well my child, continue on like that, but you will always know it is I in your heart, it will be your guideline, learn to know it better.”
“Yes my Love, I will try my hardest. Oh my Jesus, I am glad at least I gave You something to smile at that day, and I can see why I wasn’t amused. It was serious to me as You well know.”
“I know my child, I know. But you that knows Me so well to question Me so much made Me smile. Forgive me, but I loved you so much at that moment, never forget that. You gave Me joy, and I don’t often get that my child.”