Foreword and Testimony
As I start to write this ‘Spiritual Journey’ I feel that there will be some readers who will not understand, who will think I am making it all up. Yet I know others will accept and believe the incredible things I am about to reveal. I have been very hesitant to do all this, and after a lot of prayer and soul searching, I believe it has to be written.
A couple of months ago after I had received Holy Communion, I was talking to Jesus about whether He wanted me to write this book or not, as the thought would not go away. I knew I didn’t want to reveal all my inner personal things, but if it was His Will, that would be different, and in His Mercy He told me He would help me. I thanked Him and thought at the time He would give me help in being able to recall the past 17 years when my spiritual life became deeper. How wrong I was! On the Feast Day of Ss. Peter and Paul, 2009 at the Consecration of Holy Mass, He told me He had taken it away from me. I was not thinking of my book at that time, only trying to give honour and praise to my Jesus who was now present on the Altar before my eyes. I clearly remember turning my head to the right as if to look at where I perceived the ‘Voice’ to have come from, but it was the inner voice once again and I knew where it was from. So I asked Him what He meant. I was given the ‘knowledge’ that my fears had all been taken away, the fears that had pestered me always. All during my life I kept things to myself, especially spiritual things. To say I was thankful is an understatement, for He is the only person that could know fully what a ‘gift’ He had given to me. I am very much aware that whatever I write here, I will have to answer to my God for, so believe me, it is only the truth that I am writing.
Maybe some of my experiences will help others who may have had similar doubts, queries or desires? That is:
A. The desire to talk to someone who has had similar things happen to them.
B. The awareness that God is doing something within them, yet never quite sure if it is all imagination or not.
C. If you are having a ‘breakdown’ or going mental with longing to have all the answers to these questions,
D. Yet through it all, you know it is ‘special’ whatever it is.
E. You do not want to be deceived by Satan, so you pray all the more for protection.
F. You cannot bring yourself to open up to others for fear of what they will think about you.
If you can relate to some of these things, then read on and follow my ‘journey’ that God is taking me on in these latter years of my life.
I was in the habit of going to the Chapel at Maroochydore on a Sunday afternoon for Adoration from 2pm until 4pm, and Terry Callander usually came with me. On 21 March 1995, I was told by Jesus to tell Terry, that Jesus wanted to ‘talk’ to him, and he was to learn how to hear Him. I thought this strange and questioned it, but still had the strong awareness I was to tell Terry. So I finally told him the message, even though I could not see why I was asked to do this.
Then on Sunday 16 June 1996 while in the Chapel, I was praying to Jesus, asking Him to deepen my love for Him until it consumed me, when I realised my thoughts were not altogether mine, as I was saying to Jesus, “You know she really loves You and is trying, please help her.” I realised Mary, my Mother, was asking Jesus for me, interceding for me. I sensed she was at my right-hand side, then next she was looking over towards Terry and asking me to tell him that she wished to speak to him. I felt I was imagining all this, but knew once before I was ‘tested’ this way, so I told Terry as I didn’t wish to fall short on trusting, but I sure had a lot of doubts it was all happening. After telling Terry, I felt I had better kneel and pray that he would be open to hearing our Mother, receptive to all she said etc. I had the strange feeling of thinking she had spoken to him and he understood, yet by this time I was beginning to think I was imagining all this, so I prayed to my God to help my unbelief. After all this, I decided to say nothing until Terry spoke to me about it.
Our Mother did speak to Terry, and before he died, Pat and myself suggested he write a ‘spiritual booklet’ about some of his experiences. This he did (under pressure) so now I would like to copy his words in relation to the above paragraph.
It is normal for me to attend a two-hour prayer time in the Chapel at Stella Maris Church, Maroochydore each Sunday afternoon in the company of other friends. During the course of the session, ‘she’ gave me a note, the contents of which were about a message ‘she’ had just received from Our Blessed Mother. The note read, “As He speaks to you, so does she –(your Mother) now.”
Immediately words formed within my mind. The words were, “There will be an elimination within the Church in your Parish. It will be caused by the prayer said for the Pope, each time the Prayers of the Faithful are said, and you are present.”
I asked a question “When will this happen?”
“By the feast day of your Saint in 1997.”
I asked a second question. “If I am forbidden to pray for the Pope, what must I do?”
“You must insist on, and maintain your right to, so pray.”
These comments are appropriate. The Saint referred to as my Saint is Saint Augustine, who is my Confirmation saint, and whose feast day coincides with my birthday.
I was not conscious of trying to think of questions, they just came out.
The word ‘elimination’ is not a word I would use to describe what is to happen. I have long been of the opinion that Truth, and untruth, would, must, separate. But I have always used the word (separate) to describe that happening. On the other hand, I have often used the words ‘to, so’ as a preface to describe the doing of some activity. Finally there is a pattern, which is very often, but not always, used when I receive a message. It was used on this occasion. “She” alerted me to the coming of this message, which was received during August 1996 I think.
From the receiving of this message from Our Mother, Terry, Pat, myself and a few other close friends prayed that this would not happen. But sadly by August 1997, we realised that the prayer for the Pope said after the Consecration, had been eliminated. Forgive us my God for all the things we do that offend You. Amen.
Terry, my mentor whom I spoke of earlier, was a War Veteran and he had a lot of health problems. Finally, he died of cancer in March 2000. He and Pat (his wife) were a great gift to me from God, for they understood all I said to them, particularly Terry. However, I didn’t find out until mid-February that Terry had had many questions regarding what was happening to me, and I would like to share this extract from my diary with you.
He had been admitted to Buderim hospital for treatment, and I was given this strong thought I had to go and visit him. When I pulled up at the car park of the hospital, I was given the thought that he had something important to tell me. So I asked Jesus if this were the case, to please give Terry clear thoughts and understanding, to be with us both, and let me understand His Will in this. I cannot explain the feeling I had at that moment other than it was as if something were to happen and it was important.
I went into the room Terry was in, and he was reading a book we both knew, Fire Within by Thomas Dubay, which consisted of an explanation of the thoughts and ideas of Saint Teresa and Saint John of the Cross. He said to me “I have just rung Joe (my son) and told him to tell you I wanted to see you and discuss something in this book, second paragraph (page 62). I thought this odd as I didn’t think Terry knew Joe’s mobile number, but didn’t say that to Terry on account of his deafness. I didn’t think it mattered, as I was there which was the main thing.
He spoke on the paragraph, (delight and emptiness) and asked if I knew what it meant. I said yes, as I thought I had been living it these last few months, but it was okay as I thought I was coping with it all right. I then told him of my feelings and about how and why I was being called there to see him that afternoon. He understood all I was saying as he most times did, for he was like a soul mate to me. Over the years he and Pat had shared so many of my ups and downs. I started crying, and Terry said, “Don’t cry for me.” I then told him I wasn’t crying for him or for the fact he was leaving me; I envied him if anything. I was crying purely for awareness of the goodness of God, as so often lately, I easily filled up with tears if I dwelt on this thought. Yet again he understood.
Then he proceeded to tell me he could see and admit that perhaps over the years, God had given him the role of directing me on my journey. I had caused him a lot of concern at times, but he said each time he looked at my ‘fruits’ they were always there in abundance. I thanked him for everything he had done for me, and as usual the reply was, “Thank Him not me.”
I knew in my heart that God was taking Terry away from me, and I was happy to think of where he was going was where he had yearned for years to be. However, God in His Mercy was not leaving me alone without direction. He had shown me my pathway to follow, so my silent prayers had been answered.
This all happened on 16 February and Terry died early March 2000. Rest in peace, dear friend.
On 9 December 2001 while at Marian Valley Canungra just after Holy Communion, I was very much aware of the presence of Terry with me, and he said to me, “I am very happy with all you have done for Pat, thank you.” I just said silently to him, “Oh Terry” and then I was filled to overflowing with a deep awareness of the goodness of God. It was so deep that I don’t think I can explain it. Tears of joy came flooding, as so often it has happened to me before, for I knew that there had been extraordinary graces given, not just to me but to Pat also. Pat had come down to Marian Valley with another friend Nicole from the Sunshine Coast, to celebrate the feast of Our Lady’s Immaculate Conception. We had on the Friday night an overnight vigil of prayer in the Chapel to celebrate the important feast day. Pat, to our surprise and joy, stayed up all night and coped better than some of us in the group. Then on the Sunday morning, she joined us in the Chapel, for one and half hours of prayers before Mass at 11am. This was extraordinary coming from someone who could not stop for two hours on a Sunday afternoon to give adoration. Thanks be to God for all you do for your children. Once again I give you thanks my loving God for giving me Terry and Pat in my life.